April 2020

Visit New York
- Lifestyle, Travel
I would like to lighten up the mood since we are stuck in quarantine. I am going to discuss my trip to New York this past summer.

Long Drive

My dad picked me up on Saturday, July 20th, 2019 around 7:30 AM. I was excited because I thought it would be a father-daughter trip up to New York. Once we settled in the car, we got breakfast at Chick-Fil-A , and he decided to tell me that we were going to pick up his friend, Kim. Great mood killed. It would have been nice if my dad told me this information the day before or ,even better, let me meet the lady he wanted to bring along for the ride. My dad should know that it takes a while for me to warm up to strangers, especially since I am an introvert and have social anxiety. Well Kim was from Long Island and my dad wanted to give her a dad. Of course, Kim started a conversation and she asked me so many questions. I knew what she was trying to do. She was to be my friend. I quickly answered her questions so I could enjoy the slient car ride to New York.

Arrival to New York

About nine years later, we finally arrived to Manhattan , NY. I could not believe it. Seeing all the tall buildings, looking at all the extravagant broadway and theatre signs, passing Times Square and many other iconic sites. I was a dream come true.

My dad told me that we were going to stay in Long Island since it was an around 30 minutes to get to Manhattan. We arrived at Kim’s aunt and uncle house. I was singing “hallelujah”! I thought we would drop her and we would not have to see her, well… ever. My dad and I would send time in a nice hotel away from her. I found it odd that she kept explaining how houses in the area did not have a central Ac/heating unit. Was she trying to do trivia with me of or something? It didn’t click until later on why she said what she said. Anway, we went to eat dinner at Ruby Tuesday. My dad decided to drop another bomb on me. We were going to stay with Kim and her family.

WHAT!

I panicked. I felt really uncomfortable with the idea of staying with a stranger and her family. I rushed to the bathroom and I sat on the bathroom for a few seconds. I called my mother and told her about the situation. It was so bad that I started to cry. My breathing was beginning to get faster and unsteady. All this happened, while I was on the phone with my mom. She help keeps me calm when I get like this. She told me that I had no choice but to talk to my dad. She was in NC. She had no way of reaching. I had to put on my “big girl” pants and tell him that it would me nice to stay in a hotel.

When I returned from the bathroom, and I tried to tell him that we should stay at a hotel. But that didn’t happen. I started to cry again, my breathing was shaky, the whole nine yards. So, my dad took me outside so I could practice my breathing exercises to calm my nerves and relieve my panic state. I try to tell my dad that I was uncomfortable I was but he said that they were nice. You can’t pull that card with someone who has social anxiety.

Kim suggested I go inside the rom and get a feel for it. I told her that my asthma might act up if I get too hot. So, I said i would “try it, even though I made up my mind that I was going to stay at a hotel. After we finished dinner, Kim asked the waiter for our bill. She got upset that the meals were on one bill instead of two. Like she was going to pay the bill. My dad was paying for the three of us. Kim recommend we get up and leave. This was my reaction:

Why would you want to do a dine and dash. This whole scenario reminded me of a certain family member.

What a “fantastic” night.

And Long story short, we ended up staying at a hotel.

First Broadway Show!

I convinced my dad that we should see the Lion King on Broadway. I already saw the show once with my mother when they came to DPAC (Durham Performing Arts Center). It was the best time to see it since I saw the live-action version on Friday, July 19th with my mom and aunt. As it was getting close to show call, I reminded my dad that if I cry that I was going to okay. Before the show, we brought some merch to commemorate the moment. When the person who played, Rafiki, first came out and hit the high note, the one that gives you chills. It brought tears not only to my eyes but my dad eyes as well. Of course the show was phenomenal. Latered, I asked my dad why he cried. He told me that the way Rafiki moved and singed jogged his memory of his grandmother. “It was as if he was looking at a spirit” minus the stage makeup. This is something I will always remember. I can officially say I saw the Lion King with both my parents. After the show, we walk around the some more and I found LINE store! I took a picture with the character, Brown. We ate Panda express and went to the hotel to wrap up a beautiful day!

That's a Big Oreo

The was the “last” day I would be in New York before we leave to go to New Jersey. My dad took me the biggest Macy’s store. We went to several different stores to buy clothes. We made a Target run because it started to run and I left my rain gear in the car. Once, the rain stop we went to look for something to eat. One of my old classmates recommended Black Tap Restaurant. I’m happy my classmate to me about this place. Their burgers were fantastic. Their desserts were even better. My dad and I had to split the oreo milkshake and it even came with a great oreo. Super delicious! Great way to end dinner. As we were walking back to the car, it started to rain cats and dogs again. Finally, we made it to the parking garage. We ended the night by driving in rain, while passing Chinatown and listening to the slow jams. The next morning, we would be heading to another destination– New Jersey!

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Working With People You Disagree With
- Lifestyle
During the spring semester, junior year, I had found out that there is someone who I do not like that is currently working at my second job (it was an internship prior). Around the end of April, I was dropping off some papers when I went to talk to my supervisor about a client I am working with and how the client is doing. As we were discussing and playing catch up, I looked up and noticed a familiar face from college. “I think I know that person.” I said. “Yeah, that’s Oscar. He is really nice.” My supervisor said. I told her that we went to school together and we are officers for the same club. The BCBA (Board certified behavior analyst) told me that he was hired earlier in the semester. I did not know how I felt about him working there. I wanted to tell her that he was not that nice of a person. The pressure inside me was rising because I could not believe he was working here and who knew what kind of stuff he said to get hired there.

Inductions

My reason for disliking him started at the day of inductions for Psi Chi, the International honor society for psychology. I was on my way to campus with Leah, current social chair at the time. She told me that Oscar was lying about his involvement with some of the clubs and/or fraternities. Leah told me that he told her that he was involved with the executive board for one club. The liaison officer of the club friend said that he was a part of the executive board since she was on it. He also misinformed other clubs about him being on the executive board of Psi Chi. I could not believe what I was hearing. How could he dishonest. He was trying to get on my good side by putting up a facade.
During the inductions, I got cheated out of the position of being vice president of the club because the past president, Erica, exaggerated that I wasn’t a good secretary and I was so bad at my position that I had to switch my position to Historian. Which was not the case. I had to recently got an internship in the fall (2018), working as a behavior technician at a local clinic that works with children and teens with autism called Behavior Consultation and Psychological Services (BCPS). I told Erica that if she needed me to attend our executive meeting that she would need to let me know ahead of time so I could time off work. However, when she scheduled a meeting, she texts us during our chat to meet late minute and I couldn’t attend because I was at work. It got so bad that I had to attend a case meeting because the group thought I banned my role as secretary. I told them that it was hard for me to attend meetings if I am only told one day to a few hours in advance. I could not just leave my job or text them back. I did not want to seem rude nor get in trouble. Everyone in the group seemed to understand. And that is why I went from Historian to Secretary. I did not expect that Erica would try to pull a move like that, especially since she was the only person that wanted Oscar to be President. No one voted from him expect Erica and Abby won the vote to be the club President.

Fall Semester

Coming back from summer break, I was a little on edge because I did not know how the school year would go because I was a little bit on edge from what happened a few months back. We met back up on the Sunday before class and we introduced to the whole team. Oscar led the meeting because he thought Abby implied that he should lead because she forgot her notes. He went over the role of each position. I believed that He also told us that we had to raise our hands if we wanted to talk or if we had a question. The group only had eight people. I am wondering why he was trying to be so formal with a group of college kids. When all we wanted to do was have fun while providing cool club ideas to our peers.
I was the only one who felt that Oscar would be overbearing. At our second meeting, he reemphasized my duties as Secretary and that I was “beneath” him and Abby since they were respectively, Vice President and President. IT MADE ME UPSET! All roles should be viewed equally regardless of what you have to do. It only got worse from here. He would cut people off when they were talking mid-sentence. He would make it seem that other people’s ideas were not appalling enough for his liking. He had the nerve to take his peers ideas and reword it to his liking and try to spin it off like it was he original idea. Another problem I had was the he did not put in a lot of effort in the club like myself and the other exec board but he had a lot of say input to those who contributed the most. The icing on the cake was how the group atmosphere felt when he was around. It did not feel welcoming and it so bad to the point where a lot of us wanted to quit being in the club. Some of us tried talking to the President about how the VP, she tried talking to him but it didn’t help. Nevertheless we persisted. A lot of people enjoyed our ideas and segments for the fall. Most of the them anyway.

Spring Semester: 2020

We regrouped after a month later, and much needed, winter break. Oscar was not there at the first group meeting. The atmosphere felt so light and welcoming. Everyone was able to voice without people not trying to talk over you or rejecting your ideas as not good. We had planned out the remaining semester: fundraising events, coffee conversations, and many other fun items. This semester was better than last semester because Oscar was not able to stay as long due to his work overlaying with the meeting of the club. Abby was able to lead without Oscar trying to intervene or lead. Though he calmed down some, he still suggested random ideas for us to try. During one of the exec meeting, Oscar told us how he lied to people to get out of them to support a club he helps. What in his right mind, would think that we would lie to people to get money. I can only imagine what he would do get a job or position. Not only that, some drama came up with a couple people within the group. I was only told the things that wanted me to know and I will not put other people’s business out without their permission. It is called respect.
I wish I could describe how other meetings and club events went; sadly, I do not know great those meeting would have been due to the virus. Regardless, I am happy that I was able to attend the meetings and meet my peers when I had the chance.

Tips on How to Interact with People that Clash with your Personality and Beliefs

These tips do not go in any particular order.
Accept that there are going to be people who are different than you and accept that you do not agree with everything that that person do.
Be aware of what emotions you are feeling.
Find healthy ways to communicate.
Do not take it personally and be defensive
If feel your anger rising faster than your thermostat, practice mindfulness.
Keep conversations short, if possible
Remember to always be kind! You do not want to be mean to the person because you reap what you sow and you do not want people being mean to you!

References

Chernyak, P., LPC. (2019, March 30). How to deal with people you don’t like. Retrieved April 12, 2020, from https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-People-You-Don%27t-Like
Dodgson, L. (2017, June 27). 8 ways to deal with people that you don’t like. Retrieved April 13, 2020, from https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/8-ways-to-deal-with-people-that-you-dont-like-a7810126.html
Patel, D. (2017, October 05). 12 ways successful people deal with people they dislike. Retrieved April 17, 2020, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/deeppatel/2017/10/02/12-ways-successful-people-deal-with-people-they-dislike/#3f0737f7f2ba
Patel, D. (2019, March 11). 11 ways successful people deal with people they don’t like. Retrieved April 17, 2020, from https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/299719
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Good Grief
- Psychology
First Week of March 2020

The first week of March was pretty stress. On Sunday my great Aunt Jean went into the hospital again. My grandmother, her only living sibling, went to visit her at the hospital. She was on life support when my grandmother visited that Sunday. I visited on Monday and she was breathing on her own. I had some hope that she would make. However, she was not waking up though. Tuesday, we found my aunt had a stroke at the back of the brain stem and she was put back on life support. The brain stem controls messages between the body and the brain; it controls your basic functions like breathing, swallowing, heart rate, blood pressure, consciousness, and being sleep or wake. So when the brain stem got hurt, there was nothing the doctors, my family or I could do. Only Jesus could do the miraculous. If it was in His will for her to live, when the doctor took her off the life support she would have kept her breathing. However I had a feeling that it was only a matter on time before she would be with the Lord.
On Thursday, March 5th, her husband decided to take her on life support and she peacefully went to heaven. I was scared and I wept a lot that day. It was also reminded that there is one thing that no one can escape or avoid- and it’s death.
My aunt was not the only person in my family who passed away. About four months ago from March, my grandmother lost her niece to cancer. It was terminal. She left to be with Lord on Tuesday, November 12th.

Second Week of March (8th-14th)

Currently on spring break of my senior year in college; I was going through some shock and feeling a little down. I could not enjoy my break the way I wanted to because I had to attend a funeral on that Saturday. My mood lighten up a little bit, on Wednesday, March 11th is when I received an email from the IRB (Institutional Review Board) finally approved my senior thesis project. It took a little over two months of revision and editing on my IRB study. “Finally, I can start collecting data for my project” I told myself.
The next day, my family from Connecticut came down to celebrate the life of my aunt Jean. We hung out at the house they rented. Reminder, the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19) was a growing concern in the United States. We laughed and shared stories about our aunt; some of us were upset with her husband and the way her treated her up until her passing. He was not nicest person and was very arrogant. Nevertheless, we enjoyed each other company and it made me feel better.

On Friday, March 13th...
East Carolina University sent an email about extending our spring break to the following Friday, March 20th. I wanted to be happy but I couldn't. I put on a façade around my family because I was miserable. Colleges were transitioning to online classes due to COVID-19. Though I had two classes online already, it would not be a huge adjustment in my school schedule . However, reality did not hit me until a few days later. Regardless, I hung out with my family and we enjoyed each other company.
Saturday was the day of the funeral. My cousin and his family came down from Maryland. All the family wore some form of red (since red was her favorite color). The funeral was a little over an hour and it was beautiful. I do not want to go into details but I am going to miss her. She was so close to seeing me graduate college. She has been to all my graduation ceremonies starting from elementary school and all the way through high school. Overall, great to spend time with family.

I Haven't Felt This Sad in Awhile

On Sunday morning, my grandmother cooked breakfast for the family. That evening, my cousin from Maryland wife, Kerranne, made Jamaican food. I tried jerk chicken for the first time and it was amazing. Monday and Tuesday, I was slowly adjusting to my new temporal new normal. I still had work and family still in town. We switched from teaching dance in person to online. It was not bad but something to adjust too. By Wednesday, most of my family left to go back home and I had a chance to be by myself, I realized that I would not be able to collect data for my thesis. I have been working on thesis since the end of junior year (May 2019). I felt that all my hard work had gone to waste. I was so close to the finish line.
I cried a river. I felt defeated, I did all this hard work on preparing the powerpoint, data collection sheets, and any work on my thesis was swept away the virus. I felt that the end of senior year was ruined. My mother let me cry on her shoulder and talk out my frustration. She told me that it was not my fault that the virus was not contained when it first arrived in the States. She knew that I was not the only student who felt this way. She was right, I wasn’t the only one who felt this one. Crossing off travel plans, graduation data/grad pictures, prom, and so many other think. I feel sympathetic to the people who are in the same boat as me. All the 5th, 9th and 12th graders who are graduating this year like myself. I know that this pandemic is new to everyone but will get through this together.

Grief

Regardless if you had a loved one who recently passed, feeling extra sad about how the end of the school is turning out to be or whatever; you are probably experiencing a lot of emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness. Just like my mom told me, I could not blame myself for the virus coming to the United States. The same goes for the doctors who helped diagnose my aunt Jean when she was in the hospital. I know there are some people who will blame doctors for not doing enough; others will feel guilty for noticing the symptoms or checking up on them daily. While I felt sad about a lot of things happens over the course of a couple week. My therapist said that I was experiencing grief.
The American Psychological Association defines grief as the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of beloved one.

Stages of Grief

There are five stages of grief.
Denial is the first stage of grief process. When you are in denial, you are trying to figure out what happened and understand why it happened, while trying not to acknowledge what has happened. You are in disbelief.
Anger is the second stage of grief. Many people will feel angry when that special person or pet passes away. Sometimes it is the emotion people release first. It is expressed by getting upset or showing rage when you experience emotional discomfort.
Bargaining is the third stage of grief. You feel desperate to the point that you are willing to do anything to relieve the emotional pain. Basically, you are offering request to God, someone of higher status, to try to change the current outcome of the situation. During this stage, you focus on personal faults or regrets.
Depression is the fourth stage of grief. You are slowly starting to come to the reality of what happened. Sadness begins to grow, tend to isolate yourself and become less social.
Acceptance is the final stage of grief. You are at the point where you do not feel any pain.
Remember, that grief is nonlinear.

Encouragement

Remember that grief is NOT the same for everyone.
Offer support the best way you can while trying not to fix them.
Seek support from family, friends, or people you can trust.
Acknowledge what you are feeling. Remember that grief is the natural process of loss.
Give yourself time to go through the process.
Find a support group.
Go to a therapist to help guide your thoughts and emotions.
I am no expert on how one should who grieve but I do that if you read the articles, find the right to confide in, and give yourself the proper time, will be okay in the end. Remember, “tough times never last forever but tough people do”-Robert S. Schuller.

References

Clarke, J., MA. (2020, March 21). What to know about the five stages of grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361
Cohut, M., Ph.D. (2017, November 10). How to cope with grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320032#Acknowledge-and-accept-your-feelings
Holland, K. (2018, September 25). What You Should Know About the Stages of Grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief#background
Smith, M., MA, Robinson, L., & Segal, J., Ph.D. (2019, November). Coping with grief and loss. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
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